An interesting piece of advice I received in a writing workshop once upon a time is that sometimes it's the descriptions that you don't give that are most effective. Using that idea, here's a paragraph I wrote last night:
Pulling himself away, he continued to climb the stairs. Six more steps and he tripped, his path obstructed by pieces of his people. His shin opened up on the stair as he fell, but as he looked back to the bits of a fallen man he’d slipped on, he no longer felt his own wounds. His shoulder was nothing, his shin nothing, his bruises nothing. Quickly, Rez looked away, and didn’t even feel the vomit evacuating his system.
Effective style, makes you adjust the icture as you read it. I think this is good, would need to be mixed with other stuff obviously to keep flow but very good simple descriptive style.
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