About 1% of the population (totally legit statistics that I'm not just making up) go to the gym regularly, of which about 1% (also a legit statistic in every way) are ironheads. About 1,000,000,000 people (a number that I'm completely not guestimating at near-random) are from English-speaking first-world countries in which ironheads and Carly Rae Jepsen co-exist. That provides us with 100,000 people we can market this to, of whom 0.1% of them (actually not a number I made up) will feel it worth investing in, giving us a total of 1,000 sales, yielding about $1 each.
Until you take out the fees to the publishers, and taxation. Lucky to come away not paying them. I remember an old friend of mine showing me one country who had a tax set up that could mean you having to pay 147% tax in certain conditions, the scary part was this was totally genuine.
You hear about the Irish shop lifter? Found dead under M&S. There's a guy who should have worked out more.
Oh, the publisher fees aren't too bad. If I recall correctly, the average record deal yields the publisher/songwriter only about 5-10% of the total.
It's been years since I looked at this stuff, but I think the average recording contract was something like 10% to the performing artist (of which the artist's manager gets 10%, so 1% of the total), 5% to the songwriter (or the publisher, whichever of the two owns the intellectual property at the time of sale), 10% to the manufacturer, 30% to the recording company, 5% for breakage (also goes to the recording company), and 40% to the retailer. And each party receiving payment has to forward on a substancial amount of it in business taxes. The trick to minimising business taxes (if, unlike in our promising circumstance, you might actually earn enough money for it to be taxable in the first place) is spending all your income on business-related things. "Business-releated," you know, like bagels, beer and professional massages to help get the artist into the zone to perform. I'm reminiscing a lot right now on my days doing Diploma of Music Industries. We had a very....enlightening guest lecture once. In said lecture, we were taught about making deals with the mafia to make our artists famous and successful, as well as how to experiment with cocain (theory only, no prac, for which I'm personally thankful).
I haven't heard anything about Irish shoplifters. I assume there's a joke in there, but I don't know what M&S is, so I'm not getting it. However, I decided to google "Irish shoplifter M&S" and this came up:
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23 November 2010 A serial shoplifter has been banned from Marks & Spencer for two years and given a suspended jail sentence after stealing £800 of food and clothing — because they would not give him a refund on a shirt.
Leonard O'Neill, 62, was told by judge Timothy Pontius at the Old Bailey: "Plainly your shopping must be done elsewhere."
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I also found an article about a woman trying to steal a 42 inch tv by hiding it under her skirt.
For reasons that are beyond me, I like to hear what people think, so please leave a comment and let's work together to trick random passers-by into thinking this blog is actually popular.
I do love this. Shame there aren't enough of us ironheads to make this a real hit.
ReplyDeleteAbout 1% of the population (totally legit statistics that I'm not just making up) go to the gym regularly, of which about 1% (also a legit statistic in every way) are ironheads. About 1,000,000,000 people (a number that I'm completely not guestimating at near-random) are from English-speaking first-world countries in which ironheads and Carly Rae Jepsen co-exist. That provides us with 100,000 people we can market this to, of whom 0.1% of them (actually not a number I made up) will feel it worth investing in, giving us a total of 1,000 sales, yielding about $1 each.
DeleteWe're gonna be rich!
Until you take out the fees to the publishers, and taxation. Lucky to come away not paying them.
ReplyDeleteI remember an old friend of mine showing me one country who had a tax set up that could mean you having to pay 147% tax in certain conditions, the scary part was this was totally genuine.
You hear about the Irish shop lifter? Found dead under M&S.
There's a guy who should have worked out more.
Oh, the publisher fees aren't too bad. If I recall correctly, the average record deal yields the publisher/songwriter only about 5-10% of the total.
DeleteIt's been years since I looked at this stuff, but I think the average recording contract was something like 10% to the performing artist (of which the artist's manager gets 10%, so 1% of the total), 5% to the songwriter (or the publisher, whichever of the two owns the intellectual property at the time of sale), 10% to the manufacturer, 30% to the recording company, 5% for breakage (also goes to the recording company), and 40% to the retailer. And each party receiving payment has to forward on a substancial amount of it in business taxes. The trick to minimising business taxes (if, unlike in our promising circumstance, you might actually earn enough money for it to be taxable in the first place) is spending all your income on business-related things. "Business-releated," you know, like bagels, beer and professional massages to help get the artist into the zone to perform. I'm reminiscing a lot right now on my days doing Diploma of Music Industries. We had a very....enlightening guest lecture once. In said lecture, we were taught about making deals with the mafia to make our artists famous and successful, as well as how to experiment with cocain (theory only, no prac, for which I'm personally thankful).
I haven't heard anything about Irish shoplifters. I assume there's a joke in there, but I don't know what M&S is, so I'm not getting it. However, I decided to google "Irish shoplifter M&S" and this came up:
<><><>
23 November 2010
A serial shoplifter has been banned from Marks & Spencer for two years and given a suspended jail sentence after stealing £800 of food and clothing — because they would not give him a refund on a shirt.
Leonard O'Neill, 62, was told by judge Timothy Pontius at the Old Bailey: "Plainly your shopping must be done elsewhere."
<><><>
I also found an article about a woman trying to steal a 42 inch tv by hiding it under her skirt.
M&S is a chain of stores.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure which is more scary, a stupid paddy or a woman wide enough to be able to try hiding that TV.