"They're Just Jealous"

NO THEY'RE NOT!

I can't express enough in polite language how much it irks and frustrates me when people refer to the nasty looks/comments/attitudes that others dole out, and say "he/she/they're just jealous." Now, granted, sometimes people are mean because they're jealous, but it grates my nerves when I see people treating any and all negativity as jealousy. Because very often, it isn't.


When I was about 4 years old, I entered pre-school. This is the first time in my life where I can recall being bullied consistently. I'm sure there were people who I was mean to and who were mean to me before then, but this is when I really remember it becoming something I took note of. There were three boys in my pre-school class. For anonymity purposes, let's call them Joey, Jeffie and Jamie.

Now, one of these boys, let's say Joey, was pretty much horrible to everyone. I had to put up with him in pre-school when I was 4, and I still had to put up with him in high school when I was 14, and he still treated most people like crap. I was no exception.

For whatever reason, Jeffie and Jamie (who grew up to be much nicer men) were willing to be friends with Joey. And when Joey picked on me, they joined in. That seemed to be the extent of the bullying I endured for the next couple years, then some time around Year 2 (definitely by Year 3), I noticed something -- other students had picked up on what was going on.

Now, in a world where 7-yer-olds are kind, responsible, caring people who look out for each other, this might have meant they'd have started sticking up for me. You know what I've learned? It seems to be irrelevant who you are, but there's almost always something not right at home or at school. This makes kids insecure, and they feel weak. They challenge this weakness by attempting to dominate others. If, as the "they're just jealous" mentality goes, they take on someone who they wish they could be, it's probably because defeating someone they think is bigger than them seems like a good way to make themselves the top dog. However, not all kids go for the one they're jealous of. There's risk involved in going for the target that you perceive to have higher standing than yourself. So, what else can kids do?

They can become vultures. They can identify the easy target, and rip it to shreds. This way, they may not be the biggest and best at the top of the food chain, but at least they're not the weakest and worst at the bottom.

Once I was in Year 3, things escalated. Three boys bullying me became most of the year level beating me down. And it continued to escalate from there. By Year 5, it felt as if the majority of the entire school cohort was antagonistic towards me.

This isn't a woe is me, post, by the way. Figuratively speaking, I was attacked by vultures, but I also became one. If I saw a way to hurt someone, I took the opportunity. I became as horrible to the world as the world was to me, and this escalated sharply when I hit puberty, at which point I consciously decided: "The world's been a **** to me, so I'll be a **** to the world." I've since turned my life around and realised that people break stuff because they themselves are broken, and am more interested in building my own personal strength of character (a task in which I brilliantly fail in often enough to remind myself that there's always something that needs fixing and working on) and helping others to piece themselves back together. In that same vein, I've forgiven everything that was done to me at school, and hope (without expectation for or against) to be forgiven by those who I wronged at the same time.

This picture seems awkwardly appropriate right now.

Damn hippies.

Regardless, my point is that "they're just jealous" seems an awful cop-out to me. It can be true, but often it isn't. People like to feel strong, and so they might treat you poorly out of jealousy in order to make themselves feel better. But then maybe you're the one trying to prop yourself up by feeding yourself the story that behind their malice is the secret desire to be you.

There are other alternatives, too. Sometimes people say or do things that you don't like with absolutely no intention of harming you. They might even be acting out of love (sometimes misguided love, sometimes wisely guided tough love, but love nonetheless). Bringing this over to fitness-related stuff, I often bear witness to girls who train complaining about the things their family and friends say about it. "You don't want to get too bulky." "You're getting too bulky." "You know, no man wants a woman who's big and bulky." The reported comments all amount to about the same thing.

These girls (or their lifting friends) then turn around and say: "Your friends/family are just jealous that they don't look as good as you/don't have the determination to do what you do." And hey, maybe they are. This one time, I got a hair cut that I think went well with my head, and all the friends I had with high self-esteem said it looked good, as did randoms who I had little association with otherwise, while the friends I had with low self-esteem looked at me and said: "Never do that again." One could speculate that the friends with low self-esteem didn't want to risk me looking good enough to out-shine them....or maybe they honestly thought my haircut sucked. I don't think I lost any sleep over it one way or the other.

Back on topic, maybe the friends and family of these girls really are just trying to sabotage these girls because they know they can never live up to what these girls are doing. Or maybe they actually believe what they're saying (rightly or wrongly) and are legitimately worried that these girls will turn themselves into something ugly and unnatural.

So again, sometimes people do things that you don't like because they're jealous. But if you tell yourself that anything anyone says or does that you feel opposes you is an act of jealousy, then I propose that you're making no effort to interract with reality. You're running away from reality.

Shinji Ikari: "What's wrong with runing away from reality if it sucks?!"

You can run away from reality if you want to, but if you do, it's my feeling that you're refusing to acknowledge and fix what's broken in your life.